To Know You Are Loved

Over the past 8 years I have lost a lot of sleep. I stay up wondering how I can communicate why the work I’ve dedicated my entire life to is so critical.

I know it is. I know the children in foster care who benefit from it know it is. I know that the thousands of people who have already supported One Simple Wish, know it is. But I need everyone to know it. When it comes to really making a difference in the lives of thousands of kids who are feeling invisible, I need the masses to care. But, how?

Maybe it’s a video...a really compelling video that outlines all the reasons why our online platform is powerful, insightful and innovative. I could appeal to the tech giants like Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg and Mark Benioff and make my case for why investing in our work could truly change the narrative around our nation’s child welfare system while simultaneously paving roads of opportunity for the children in it and the adults we need in too.

Maybe it’s a stunt...a really shocking yet repeatable stunt like the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that captivated the nation and made everyone from business leaders to celebrities dump ice cold water on themselves in the name of charity.

Maybe it’s a commercial...a really touching commercial set to Rachel Platten’s “Stand by You” where images of sad then smiling children dance across the screen as people at home well up with tears and then tweet about it to all friends.

But I’m still not sure any of that would do. In a world so overwhelmed with media, pleas for attention and noise, I am not sure what the answer is to getting our message out there in a way that will inspire the amount of action we need from so many to really move the needle in a system so riddled with flaws.

Children are dying in this system. Children are being forgotten. Children are being ignored. While these statements don’t represent every child in foster care, if they represent even one, than they represent enough. As a nation, we should be outraged; outraged at the level of “I must do something to change this.” But we are not. We are complacent. We are not interested. We are not doing enough.

But this may be exactly why I believe One Simple Wish makes such an incredible difference. We are not asking everyone who reads this blog or hears a child’s plight to immediately spring into major action, writing to legislators, or becoming foster parents or adopting children. We are simply asking that you care.

Since 2008 we have operated on the simple mission that bringing love, hope and joy to the life of a child who needs it is, in fact, enough. We know you are busy. We appreciate your overwhelming to-do lists and responsibilities and obligations. We get it. So we’ve made it easy.

In a nonprofit world filled with great causes and great intentions we are not asking to be your only choice. We are only asking for a moment of your time to read just one wish. Learn about one child. Then help them. Just one.

What we have found in taking this approach is that people come back. They grant more wishes. They help more children. They start to support our mission. They email us and tell us they decided to volunteer locally with one of our more than 800 partners around the US. They tell us they have stopped granting wishes so they can focus on becoming foster parents. They adopt.
Our method is working. Whether we focus on the thousands of people that continue to simply spread love, hope and joy to these children who are feeling underrepresented and undervalued or we focus on the hundreds who have taken it a step further and decided to get more involved in the system, it’s working.

There’s a quote in “A Big Life” by Mary Wells Lawrence, my idol in the advertising world. It says, “”In the end, that may be everything, to know you are loved.”

And I believe it is. At least, it is a really great place to start.

So maybe tonight I won’t be restless. Maybe tonight I will revel in the fact that One Simple Wish has done just that. We have told thousands upon thousands of kids who are hurting, confused, and maybe even a little lost, that they are loved. And love, in the end, just may be enough.

For more about our lovefest and how to join it, visit onesimplewish.org

And to all the tech giants out there looking to make an investment in a tool that just might change the world of child welfare, let’s chat.

This IS Our Problem: Fixing Foster Care in America, My Part (And Yours)

Last night it was bitterly cold. The heat in our office building hadn’t been working so the staff and I worked most of the day with our coats and hats on. We thought the conditions were impossible, brutal, unbearable. We complained to management. We complained to each other. And then, just as I was about to head home to a delicious meal with my family, my cell phone rang and I was suddenly reminded that even the worst conditions I have ever faced are the best conditions some children can imagine.

It was a social service worker, a friend of mine, calling to ask if I could wait a bit longer for a group of caseworkers to come to our facility. They had just abruptly removed 4 children from deplorable conditions. Their mother was nowhere to be found. The kids needed pretty much everything; from clothing to shoes to comfort items. Of course, I agreed to wait.

In situations like these, it’s the waiting that is sometimes the hardest part. I wonder what I’m about to see. I wonder how bad it will be. I wonder if these children will be crying. I wonder if they will be scared. I wonder if I will be able to hold it together so I don’t make them feel even worse.

I opened the door twenty minutes later to three caseworkers. One was carrying a baby. One was carrying a toddler who was not wearing any shoes or socks. The other 2 children walked in on their own; 5 and 7 years old. Immediately, the 7 year old made eye contact with me and I could see she had been crying. She looked up at me and almost began to cry again.

I knelt down and took her hand and told her my name. Then I asked hers and she whispered it softly. Then I asked her if she would like to go look at some toys. Immediately, her face changed. She smiled a bit. “Yes!”

Over the next hour and half the caseworkers and I split our time between walking the children through our toy closet, helping them choose their favorites, and attempting to find enough clothing in the right sizes to get the children prepared for their first night away from home.

Beneath her dirty clothing, the baby was covered in feces. It took two workers to clean her up. One of the men came out and sat down, head in his hands, and said “How can people do this?” For me it’s always so hard to see that type of raw, vulnerable emotion, especially from a big, strong, tough-looking guy. I didn’t know what to say to him.

When the group was ready to leave, the 7 year-old girl turned back and gave me a hug. I held her as tightly as I could. I wanted to take her home.

It was then I started to think about my own kids; 7 and 8 years old. Their biggest worry of the day was doing homework. They were waiting at home for me with their amazing, attentive, super supportive dad. They were playing games in their playroom. I didn’t feel guilty for this joyful loving home I have. But I did feel like I wanted to get back to sharing it.

So I will. I am hopeful that in the coming months my home will be reopened to accept foster children like the four amazing kids I met last night. That is the part I want to play in this solution.

But that may not be your reaction and that is totally OK! There are dozens of ways that you can also do something super amazing to ensure these beautiful, innocent children get the love and support and hope they need. Because they need all of us in on this.

To be honest, I don’t even care why you decide to help. Just do something other than read this, feel bad and go on with your day. Do it to be a good example for your kids. Do it to better your community. Do it because you can...because you had a loving family, or you didn’t have a family at all, but you are here and healthy and able. Do it because if you don’t, who will?

Let’s just all come together and loudly and proudly make a commitment that we will be one part of the very big village we know it takes to raise a healthy, happy child.

Below are some of my favorite ways to get involved but I want to hear more. Join me in using #MyPartOurVillage and tag @OneSimpleWish on Twitter.

Here are 5 ways to get started in doing YOUR part:

1. Grant a wish! 
It’s a simple, direct and beautiful way to share some joy with a child impacted by foster care and abuse and neglect. 
2. Consider becoming a CASA. 
Court Appointed Special Advocates are amazingly dedicated volunteers who act as a voice for a child in court and are a stable source of support for kids who need it. 
3. Read Foster Focus Magazine
Learn more about what is going on with foster care in America and the inspiring kids and adults who are working hard to fix it.
4. Consider becoming a Foster Parent. 
All you need to know is here. And you can email me too! 
5. Tweet about other foster care or children’s rights organizations that you support. Tell us what you do and how to do it. Don’t forget to use #MyPartOurVillage and tag @OneSimpleWish so we can share your ideas!

The Power to Change a Child’s Life

About three years ago Nayomi came to One Simple Wish to participate in a half-day job skills program at our offices in Trenton, NJ. She was 17 at the time, living in a group home, and she had already spent most of her teenage years in foster care. While many of the kids went through that day just going through the motions, Nayomi was different. She was deeply engaged with every presenter. She asked questions and she participated enthusiastically in every group. Her huge smile and bright eyes lit up every time she spoke about foster care and the changes she thought needed to be made. She captivated every adult in the room. That day she approached me and asked if I had any idea how she may be able to get an internship with One Simple Wish. She thought I was a volunteer.

Fast forward to today. Nayomi recently turned 21 and aged out of foster care. She wasn’t ever officially reunified with her family and she still resides in a supportive housing program in a rough city. She is a dedicated, doting mom of a 7 month-old girl. And, she works at One Simple Wish. After completing a year-long internship for which she traveled two hours each way using mass transportation, and after numerous weeks volunteering and a 90-day consulting project, she was hired as our Community Relations Manager. She now presents at businesses, schools and events throughout NJ and, soon nationwide, beautifully spreading our mission of ensuring that every child knows the love, hope and joy they deserve. She’s a natural. She’s a star.

Along the way, Nayomi has had a lot of wishes granted; a diaper bag filled with baby supplies, new clothes, winter boots, transportation funds and more. Nayomi hasn’t taken a single wish for granted and recently, when we posted a wish to help her buy her first car, she was overwhelmed with emotion when, in just two days, our supporters donated an incredible $5,010 towards her wish.

The best part about all of this is that while Nayomi’s story is unique, she is not the only child that One Simple Wish has touched beyond the wishes you see on our website. One Simple Wish’s online wish granting platform has become a catalyst for hundreds of stories like Nayomi’s; making connections for young people in foster care all over the United States.

This is the most beautiful part of what we are doing. Our program is not just an online registry of “things”. It is a beautiful village of caring, generous and supportive people who, every single day, stand up and say “We care about you,” to thousands of kids who have, many times, felt invisible.

The foster care system is a complex, exception-filled web of people, policies and practice all of which need restructuring. But as I attend countless meetings, conferences, briefings and events focused on making these needed changes I always go back to one thing; people. Without engaging more people in this conversation about how we can better serve our kids, I don’t believe we will find the answers we are all so desperately looking for.

This is not just a conversation for the policy makers, legislators, large corporate-like nonprofits and figure heads in the child welfare world. This is a conversation that must reach every dinner table in America; from caring adults who may eventually be able to foster or adopt, to children who may be learning alongside foster children in their classrooms without knowing it. There is a place for everyone in this reform; each one providing a critical piece to this puzzle. The amazing children in and aged-out of foster care, those who have already been traumatized by abuse, neglect, abandonment, drug abuse, incarceration, overworked case managers, outdated policies and more, need us to come together and offer simple and effective ways to engage as many caring people as possible.

I believe One Simple Wish is on to something.

Since launching in 2008, we have not only touched the lives of over 40,000 children, but we have engaged tens of thousands of individuals by connecting them directly to children’s needs. Since we have revamped our platform late last year to focus on promoting deeper engagement with the kids, we are now positioned to also help adults move down the continuum from wish granter to mentor to Court Appointed Special Advocate to foster parent to adoption; taking any detours or paths they choose, all the while remaining true to our core belief that the child’s voice should always be the loudest.

As our reach continues to grow (we are now connected to over 800 agencies in nearly every US state), so does our responsibility to this cause and so does our drive to do even more. I am asking that every person who reads this article finds within them some way that they can join us in amplifying the voices of our nation’s foster youth. It could be granting a wish, volunteering, reaching out to your local foster care agency or simply sharing this piece on social media and challenging your network to get involved too. I am asking every person involved in child welfare to join us too. We are an incredibly collaborative group; evident by our outstanding network and dedicated team, and we are certain there is a way for us to work with nearly every agency and nonprofit in this field. Don’t just dismiss us as a “website” or a “wish granting organization”. We are a movement and a strong one at that.

When I give talks around the country about our work I often begin by asking the audience to do this, “Close your eyes and think back to one of the best gifts you ever got as a child. Remember how bad you wanted it. Remember how you felt when you finally had it. Remember who was there. Now open your eyes and realize you have the power to give that same love, that same hope and that same joy to a child who may have never known it before. And that could be just the beginning."